Vagina

I took a bite out of my apple and saw a little worm inside. He told me his name was Ted and he was looking for new land to settle on. I recommended Seattle (west coast) as they have a prominent rainfall, hence making the soil softer for my burrowing friend. But Ted was not pleased, yes the soil would be softer but the sky would be grayer. He longed for balance in a world of chaos and asked if I wouldnt mind letting him stay in the apple a bit longer. Care not I said the fly, and put the rest of the apple in my pocket. Later that night I heard a strange noise, I slowly opened my eyes and turned on the light. Ted was stealing from me! he weighed no more then a pencil eraser yet he was carrying my precious vaseline and my swedish massage textbook. We looked at each other for a second. A cold,stern glare between man and worm. Ted? I couldnt believe my Jewish eyes. 

Brian Wilson

hello Professor Longus,

I write this letter to you by candlelight, as the power has cut off in the girls dormatory. Forgive me for spelling errors, seeing as you are an English teacher and all. Over the course of last term I began to feel..feelings for you. Feel emotion beyond the admiration and respect the other pupils have for you. I feel as if I am developing strong and loving feelings for you Professor, feelings I can no longer mask. I also suspect you reciprocate these feelings to an extent, and if I am wrong I apologize for my assumption. I only speak of this because of the way your eyes seem to shimmer when I walk into the classroom, and the times I caught you staring at my blouse. Your soothing and beautiful way with words and poetry brings a tear to my eye, as well as your commitment to Shakespeare. I am Juliet, Professor Longus and you are my Romeo. Perhaps I am being too bold but dare I suggest we meet one night for "extra credit" and see what power the moon has over our desires? The other issue of course is your Wife and Mother to your children, Prudence. I will never forget meeting Prudence at the school Christmas party and staring in disbelief at the women you had bethrothed. Rude as it may sound, she resembles the frog I dissected in lab last week. Oh Professor, I long for you to read poetry to me, for your strong and masculine arms to hold me. I dream of you every night and even keep a small picture of Shakespeare in my locker as a tribute to you. Please have the courage to write back to me. I love you Professor Longus.

Love eternally,

Abigal Porter

barely legal

damn my mom is such a fucking bitch. she thinks she can control me and shit, i dont fucking think so. i'm a grown ass women and i can do whatever the fuck i want whenever i want. if i wanna stay out and get drunk with my friends whats the big deal??? i'm young n sexy and i wanna be wild before i'm all old and shit. if i wanna fuck some guys its cool because i use condoms and even when i dont they pull out so im gonna be fine. i told my mom that and she started to cry! would she rather have a lame ass virgin daughter who cant fuck?? shit, i dont even understand the big deal. i aint addicted to shit and i'm not homeless so whats wrong with a little drinkin n fuckin once and a while?? a little weed here and there also,maybe some coke but only for special occasions like xmas and shit. i'm about to punch my mom in the fucking face and she deserves it seriously for trying to control me like hitler and shit. I AM 16 YEARS OLD, I AINT 12!!!!! my mom should be proud to have such a sexy daughter..i mean i look good what can i say, it aint my fault men like to look at my body and shit. if i wanna wear a bikini top around detroit i can cuz i look good and i dress however the fuck i want. my moms so fucked up, shes jealous of me or something cuz shes all old and boring now and i get men everywhere i go.

animal crackers

Every once and a while I like to go down to Pawtucket River and skip stones. On friday nights I usually go down to "Bessies Bar"for a whiskey or 2. Same thing Saturday and Sunday night for the most part. Got me a real nice women at home,Laura Sue. Used to be a real beauty for she had kids. Sometimes I get a glimpse of how she looked back in High School,prettier then a rose that girl was. Life on the road aint easy, don't get me wrong. I'm gone every couple a weeks,delivering all kinds of shit to every place imaginable. My specialty is Arcade Machines. Those shits is heavy and not every guy can handle one. I remember one time I dropped one on my foot and broke it. John Harrow had a real hoot n holler that day. See,me and John been in a competition of sorts for damn near 3 years. He thinks he can drive faster and further then me,but anyone who seen me drive knows damn well I drive faster then a tumbleweed in a hurricane. He beat me once, and that sonofabitch will never let anyone forget it. 

Chubby Checker

Sometimes at night It's as if I can feel Jesus's spirit inside me. He tells me to do things and I just know I have been chosen to be his loyal and faithful follower and companion. Jesus doesn't just go around talking to anyone and guiding them! I have been selected from billions of people to represent the Lord and savior himself. When I speak to him it's as if he's already inside my mind, he consumes and rules me and allows me to carry out his plans. Jesus has many plans for all kinds of people. Why, just the other day his voice popped into my head and I felt a tingle down my spine. He told me to go next door to Mr. Lawsons house and of course I obeyed. Well what do you know, Mr. Lawson was passed out cold on his kitchen floor. Looked like he had slipped on something and hit his head. Well, I went over to him and placed my pure and Christian hands against his chest and I felt his holy spirit consume me. I became Jesus in that moment and brought back Mr. Lawson with the greatest of ease. He was so startled and scared all he could manage to say was "thank you." I just laughed with a gleam in my eye-"don't thank me...thank Jesus."

people who need people

In the recent wake of the bake sale, I've come to the conclusion that all is not what it seems to be. and with whom you may ask? Everything. I walked down the street just feeling and listening and in that moment I had all I could ever ask for. Every fiber of my being in harmony, not just harmony but absolute perfect balance. And how do I know this? Because I exist. Existence is perfection. I am seperated from my thoughts, I have finally started to watch them instead of being consumed by them. Life is changing for me now that I am observing. My mind will not use me any more to feed my ego. Ah yes "The Ego." That voice of pain, suffering,indecision. Feeding me negativity and forcing me to question every single aspect of my life. It's still there, but I am now aware. Awareness and Intention are all I can hope to achieve. I sit on the Subway, breathing, being. Every day I will work a little more at accepting the present. We are not our thoughts. We are tricked by the ego into thinking so. At the core of my being I am just that. A being.

mothafucka

As if any of you know what it's like to be a Mother. EVERY SINGLE DAY I deal with this this bullshit-feeding her,changing her diaper, whatever- you name it. I wish I had listened to my Mom, I wish I had listened to my Guidance Counselor,my best friend. WHY did I marry young!? What was my rush!! I used to be beautiful, I used to have charisma. A personality. Now I'm just a "Mother", a suburban one at that. Disgusting. I am disgusted with myself. I'm just like every other bitchy soccer Mom in Connecticut. I even wear those generic solid colored T-shirts with the pocket. Boy, Have I fucking changed. It's like the second I got married to Mark I wasn't allowed to have fun or be my own person. And once they baby came, forget about it. I'm only 34 and I feel like I'm 60 years old living in a nursing home. Shit, now it's too late to do anything I wanted to do. And no, having Children was not my only dream. Yea, ya hear all these stories about Mothers going back to school but when you actually have a child you realize it's damn near impossible. Who's going to watch Tiffany? Me and Mark can't even afford a sitter. Not to mention,the stability and security (and happiness) he promised me when we got married was a total lie. I am exhausted. I am bored. I am terrified of my future. Damn, the baby is crying.