mothafucka

As if any of you know what it's like to be a Mother. EVERY SINGLE DAY I deal with this this bullshit-feeding her,changing her diaper, whatever- you name it. I wish I had listened to my Mom, I wish I had listened to my Guidance Counselor,my best friend. WHY did I marry young!? What was my rush!! I used to be beautiful, I used to have charisma. A personality. Now I'm just a "Mother", a suburban one at that. Disgusting. I am disgusted with myself. I'm just like every other bitchy soccer Mom in Connecticut. I even wear those generic solid colored T-shirts with the pocket. Boy, Have I fucking changed. It's like the second I got married to Mark I wasn't allowed to have fun or be my own person. And once they baby came, forget about it. I'm only 34 and I feel like I'm 60 years old living in a nursing home. Shit, now it's too late to do anything I wanted to do. And no, having Children was not my only dream. Yea, ya hear all these stories about Mothers going back to school but when you actually have a child you realize it's damn near impossible. Who's going to watch Tiffany? Me and Mark can't even afford a sitter. Not to mention,the stability and security (and happiness) he promised me when we got married was a total lie. I am exhausted. I am bored. I am terrified of my future. Damn, the baby is crying.