onion soup

wow what a mind! Science gives you a brain,your environment gives you a mind. My mind is more often then not my greatest enemy. My tendency to over analyze is slowly but surely killing me and draining me of all my inhibitions. This curse turns into a gift when I listen to friends issues and problems, but when it comes to my own life, over analyzing will do nothing but cause me to make rash and unfair decisions. I wish I could just look at my life as a random third party but ah yes I have something called emotion. So where is the fine line between a healthy thought process and an obsessive negative outlook? Through meditation and a strong subconscious I have begun the long and tedious road of change. Every day for an hour I try to gently push negative thoughts out of my mind. I acknowledge the thought, then let it pass. Easier said then fucking done. To not harp on a frightening thought is one of the hardest things humans can do. Ahhhhhhh I just wish I didn't have any negative thoughts to begin with. I think about a specific thought a hundred times a day and it's exhausting and useless. Worry is a useless emotion. On a lighter note, May has been good to me for quite a few reasons. I finally finished Menopause (thank god) and I got that Golden Retriever I've wanted for weeks. Ever since Larry started traveling for the company,my days and nights are filled with loneliness. This dog will really help keep my company until Larry gets back from Canada. Sure,the kids have been great but they have their own lives, Mom isn't cool enough to spend time with them. Being married isn't what I thought it would be. The brief relief I felt after marriage only lasted a few months. I now feel even more stress and jealously then I felt before. Now that Larry is only home a few days out of the year, I'm just not sure were going to make it. I don't want to be single and old. I love him I just don't think I'm happy.